My dear readers,
Well keeping my word I have listened and now I am faced with a huge amount of questions, some that will define the future that the church plays in the role of my Family. From that choice i will need to make sure that at the time when I stand before my maker that I can hold my head held high and be proud of who i am. Though I don’t feel that I will be standing alone in the area of needing to make this choice.
As I have stated before I am a Transwoman, I have been all my life. I am Educated, I am well versed in the standard works. I have a Testimony about what I have seen and what I have read.
I have made a promise that I must keep but it does place me in a hard choice and an even harder place to defend a church which has loved me for who I am. I am very thankful for what has happened in my life. I am very thankful for the blessings of the last 6 months.
I was asked today in an LDS facebook group….
“What decision is there, Aleana Robins? Why in the world would you ever stay connected at all? If you stay you’re sending a message to your kids that says you allow people to kick you in the head.”
This was my reply…..
I don’t tell it often so please read with care and understanding. I had just married my wife in the Temple and moved everything I had to Australia, based on answers from prayers. No more than 1 and 1/2 months in Australia I was bitten by a White point spider. Within 24 hours I was dying my blood was turned to brown muck and I was told that they were going to have to cut me open to save my life though there was a 50/50 chance I was going to die. Then if I did live I had a 75% of losing my left arm.
I laid there dying and saying a prayer “dear father in heaven I am not ready to die please save me” It was short and simple. No sooner than I ended my prayer I told my wife they must get me a blessing before I will be cut open. Within minutes and no one calling them these two elders One from Idaho elder Steele and another from NZ elder Terikie. Walked in to the hospital. I saw something that to this day I will never doubt I will never recant I saw someone standing behind these youngmen guiding them to my bedside. I felt a overwhelming peace fill the room that I was in and I was at peace. I woke hours later tubes hanging off of me in all directions. 4 fans blowing on me to keep my temperature at 40. I could feel that my left hip was wet but was not able to move. A nurse came in and greeted me and took the pillow from under my left arm that had tubes draining the poison from my body.It was soaked. I healed and got to talk to the two elders and asked them who told them I was dying. With strait faces they said “no one, we felt like we had to come here (fifth floor at the other end of a hospital).We talked and when we were done I knew they were telling the truth. This is why….. This is only part of why I am who I am and why I know…….My children live with me after we left an abusive marriage. We made it out thanks to a strange event one night. But I will not talk ill of the other party. We got to a safe house, then to a house where we live now. The court protected the children and I. I am a Transwoman who my 3 children live with me, do the odds. It does not happen often. This is why…….
My faith is in God, my Faith is in what Joseph Smith did and built. My faith is in the BOM and the Bible. Men are flawed, they error. But I forgive I look past those flaws I find what is true, I grab it hold it care for it. I thank him for all I have. That is why….
I am no ones fool, I know what I saw. That is why…….
Until something better comes I will stay. I don’t have the ability to go to the Temple, i’m trans. I don’t have the ability to hold any callings, I’m trans. I’m not a member, i’m trans. My children are not me. They need to learn for themselves what is true and what is not and they can only make that choice and no matter what I will support them. We have to start somewhere.
I am putting this out there for others to see only because it is part of me. I’m not here to pass judgement for you. You must make your own choice.