Choices today

There are a few things kids in this life need to know Love and how to defend yourself. Today I made a step in growing our lives with getting the children classes in Jujitsu. Yup as you have read my blog and know about Niamh I am going to make sure NO ONE will ever hurt my little angel again. I will get her ready to defend herself and kick the living shit out of someone if they ever try again. Gabriel took to it fast and loved it. This made me very happy. I know he likes to be her hero so in the future he will need some skills as I foresee it being an issue.

Well this was a day that I provided some wisdom to another. A few things clicked so to speak. I have chosen a path that many don’t understand the the ones I think understand are not very willing to lend a hand. I am scared of the future and coming to terms that I will need to be stronger than I am right at this time. The old saying that there are plenty of fish in the sea has not found out my puddle feels a bit of lacking in schools.

I think that something that many of the people going through Transition do not talk about is the Sexual confusion that goes on in your mind. What I am talking about is that if you are a man you know who will be attracted to you and the same is with a woman. It does not matter if you are gay or strait you know who you are attracted to you and who you are attracted to. As a trans, fucking take that pile of steaming shit outside cause it no longer works. I have always been attracted to women it is the way I am. But , yup here’s the but, as a trans you might be attracted to “x” but you don’t know and “x’s”. As for me I don’t know any “x’s”. SO I am screwed cause not knowing can mess with you head. It hits you in the form of being alone, but not knowing how to fix the problem.

Give you an idea of what I am talking about cause I have found three people attractive since starting me Transition and this is my thought process. Wow look at that person they are so fine, WAIT one second you are Trans can they handle that? Will they be able to handle you if and when it get removed? Will they still be there when you have finished you “change”?

No place this issues of Strait, Gay, or Lesbian in the mix and your mind is about to go BOOM!


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