Well as you have noticed I have been a very busy girl working so very hard at doing nothing. So that is what many would think……

The truth is so far from the appearance. You see I have been working hard on  Nurturing the reality of new friendships. I have also been learning that the I need to just let go a bit more of the facts that I am not going to save some things, people, friends and the like. Not all friendships are cast with a brush of kindness and understanding. Though I remain understanding that while some friendships are fleeting as the seasons each one comes with its own gifts and rewards of wisdom. While not all are rich and diverse it is those ones we learn the most from.

I watch as dreams which once seemed obtainable are no longer. Now I sit and see the despair of those I am not able to help. Yet I know how to help and that with the right guidance a success it can be had. Then in the end you can lead the horse to water but you cannot make it drink. Not that once the horse if it chooses to drink that it is in time for it to be saved.

This is part of my personality, my chaos, and another one of my curses. I am a White Knight personality. So you don’t know what that is hmm I would suggest to google it but since I am the one pointing it out, it would be unkind to tell you what to do. So I will provide you a link

https://healthpsychologyconsultancy.wordpress.com/2012/12/19/the-rescuer-personality-the-white-knight/

Now don’t get me wrong each and everyone of use have a personality traits. Some of us can be Narcissistic, some of us have addictive personalities and this list can go on. But it comes to a point where when we notice the traits and our weaknesses, we grow. It is okay to be a White Knight personality once I started to see and understood what was going on in the things I did and still do to some effect. I even know where I was taught to be a White Knight, that honor goes to my father. Read my book and you will understand more about what I am talking about.

Though at the same time I am learning what to avoid in the bad parts of being a White Knight.

• Often help others without them asking you.

  I stopped doing this years ago. I offer my help and if they don’t want it I walk away. Though at times I still feel bad when I know I could have done something.

• Don’t take the time to find out how you can help others, but instead help them in the way you believe they need helping.

  I don’t do this it causes far too much stress and at the same time the writer of the and the writer forgot they just told you not to do things without asking….

• Hope your rescuing actions will get others to admire you.

  I am glad I am not this type of a person, at least I don’t think I am. Plus I really am not a type of a person who wants to be known as a rescuer. I have talents and if people need help and I can, I love to help.

• Struggle to focus on or complete your own work because you are too drained from running errands for others.

  I did this for a long time, I was not important. I wanted to place all others needs above my own. I do know that it was part of hiding the pain that I was dealing with all the time.

• Don’t ask others for feedback when helping them.

  I am not really sure if I did or do this, I hope not….. That would be like after everything you do to help someone, you want fame in some form “Look I fixed your car and you did not even ask me to do that” make me want to puke.

• Hate it when people reject your assistance and feel ecstatic when they accept it.

  Oh I don’t hate it, I understand people have needs to make a goal and complete it on their own. But I do see how I feel horrible when they fail and I could have helped. I guess it is like having a child, yes you don’t want that child to fall off the bike so you leave the training wheels on a bit to long. But when they do fall they learn that some risks have great rewards.

• Feel totally powerless and worthless when you cannot help someone.

  I have gotten over the issue of feeling worthless and powerless. If I can’t help I might know someone who can…

• Cannot tolerate conflict and jump in to try and make matters right for others.

  Oh I do this and shits me to tears why I do it. Most of the time I stop myself. But once in awhile I slip up and oops.

• Help others primarily because it feels like the best way for you to gain positive attention.

  nah not me, I just don’t care….Gad that sounds bad, I hate the drama of people in tiffs with others. Oh she said this and he said that. I have been known to say “I don’t care”. But I have learned to now say “Look your issues with that person are your own and I need it to stay that way, but I still care about you”. Man this saves hurt feelings instead of saying “I don’t care”

It is a bit funny how once you start to see the personality trait you have and know what is the good and bad side of it. Though I would have to say, I have yet to see a good side to Narcissistic Personalities.

So what is my point, Self Reflection is key to unlocking and understanding one’s own self. Now I am not going to tell you how to do this because we would be right back at the problem of being a White Knight and the stress it causes in my life.

well I hope you have a good day!