Tonight as I watched a movie alone. There was this love scene that was soft and beautiful. I looked at this couple as a bit of reality hit me. I might never know what this feels like ever again. Never to know the soft touch of another’s warm caress, the arms that hold me tight, the soft hand that reaches for mine in the middle of the night.
This is the cold reality I live with day in day out. One could say the cold reality of being Transgender. Sure I hear my friends tell me to get myself out more and meet new people. I really don’t know how or where to do that. They tell me I am an amazing person with so much strength. Yet all I see is a crumbling mound of fear of the unknown. I watch them walking holding hands, enjoying a meal, yet here I sit alone and scared. This is my bath tub filled with water, complete with icy bits of reality.

My Ice bath…….

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