Hello everyone,

Well is you have been listening to the wind and to my posts. I met a new friend Rona Fry, this was just a random meeting. I was surfing Facebook and out of the corner of my eye I saw Northwest Women BJJ (BJJ stands for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu). I followed there link for my Daughter Niamh who has been concerned about Boys in BJJ as they are a bit to rough. There is an issue that my Daughter is still having problems from her Sexual Assault a number of years ago. So I looked at this group thinking maybe, just maybe it might be her saving grace in BJJ. The more I read and talked with Rona I was thinking this might be the place for Niamh to have a go. Long story short, it was a very wise choice.

But then something happened……

I give Rona a huge amount of credit for building a wonderful club full of caring women and filled with understanding. I have always been of the mindset if you like something use it, support it or it might be gone. One night Rona and I were talking and she invited me to join them next week. Now I tried and tried to think of a way to get out of this offer. Not because I was scared or worried about the long term effects. I tried to get out of it because I knew that while I had lost 30% of my muscle mass (which took a lot to do) I was still very strong. This concerned me as I did not want to hurt another person. Plus on top of it I really have an issue with Transwomen in sport.

My problem with being a Transwoman is not that my mindset is different it is that even after losing a lot of muscle mass. There is 70% that is well developed. The muscle structure between those who have Testosterone and those with Estrogen is vastly different. This is why drug testing in the Olympics for women involves testing for increased levels of Testosterone. The muscles that are affected by Testosterone are more fibrous. In such this type of muscle tends to be stronger. Even after 3 year of HRT the issue is that I have a lot of strength. Now I know that I look fat and that it is very hard to notice that you might not be able to see how strong I still am it is noticeable on the Mat in BJJ. While if I was sparing with a man I would be weaker (a lot). So I reside in a place like Limbo that while is not one it is not the other as well.

I really tried to take my concerns to Rona and gave her the choice to resend her offer as I was very concerned. She assured me that it would be okay. So, I trusted and last week I had my first lesson on the mat. In the past I have enjoyed a different art form (Taekwondo). I have had to stop myself from using those learned skills as they have been coming back because the difference is not to let you get me on my back. BJJ is I am going to take you to the mat and I am going to win. With week one done I was a bit sore as I have been working hard to lose the muscle mass. Well this week I was also ready I took precautions to make sure I was not as sore as last week (Bahaha, I am a DORK!).

When I sat on the mat there was this wonderful woman who I have seen in action who I also respected because of her ability. Well I was teamed up with her and I asked her not to go to easy on me. I am that type of person who does not like half-assed attempts. If we are going to do it give me your all or don’t come and play. Well to say I am sore right now is such a lie. Oh I am so sore from the top of my neck to my arm that has limited feeling. I woke up today with my left arm feeling like it weighed a ton (dead arm). Now for those of you who don’t know in 2002 I lost all feelings of normality in that arm. My nerves are shot big time from a blood poisoning event that took place that almost killed me.

So next week I will be at it again… 3rd week in a row. I am also going to be starting a Keytone diet to lose the fat that came as a result of not doing anything to lose the muscle mass. I did have a plan to do it before now. But being on the front page of the newspaper looking like a blimp has been the fuck me running point. I will now lose this weight as I am doing 20 other things at the same time. Gosh who needs a partner like I have time for that, lol.

Okay getting to the point. I don’t buy it that these Transwomen who are athletes that used to resided in a culture of strength are the same as Cis-women in strength. I have worked hard to lose my muscle mass. To look at what I can still do. Hmm I am no sport person, trust me I am NOT. But on HRT for 3 years and the wonderful woman who I spared with tonight even said I was still very strong. Mind you she was no wimp, kept me on my toes that was sure. Then the teacher Rona is also another amazingly strong woman. You can’t tell it when you look at her but wow. You would be a fool to piss off these women of BJJ. #respect

I am hooked and will be going back for more…My suggestion is I don’t care if you are Trans or Cis learn to defend yourself. There are those assholes out there who don’t like Women or Transwomen. Better to be safe than sorry. Really sorry for the hand slip that result in a minor slap to the face, Mon. Gosh I felt so bad for that….Huge amount of respect I can’t say it enough.