I was sitting (more like laying in my bed) here today having a bit of “down time”. I was feeling a bit empty the main reason being that I felt alone. I saw this very attractive person today. I felt so alone that when I came home it just hurt. I started to think was I to hard on people in my life. I call this checking my six. As I started to review I had this idea to look at dating sights. Then once more it hit me I am Trans. So why even try….

I made an open letter a while back to a certain couple of people and one of them took the time to write me. I have been thinking about how I should address that person. Because in that response I was told I was forgiven. Though I never asked for it or even thought I needed it. I thought to myself am I being too hard on this person? I really have been looking at my response from so many angles it is a bit mind numbing. I try to take my time when things are very important. I felt that what I needed to say I have tried several times to say but it is just not reaching the level of the desired outcome. But then I also know that you can lead the horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

Yeah I know writing about what took place might not have been the kindest thing to have done. But I was pissed that what took place was done so with no remorse and it hurt deeply. I have said like I am now the family member no one really wants. But that is okay (not really) I have four children here in Australia who love me. Though everyone else has left me. I found it even more disparaging that instead of talking out why I feel the way I do. They would rather talk to a person who has more issues with being dishonest than Bump-a-Trump (well, no one is really worse than him). But I relax and think fools and their money are quickly separated.

I have seen and read stories about families falling apart after a person like me says Surprise! There is always a common theme that is littered in them. That is Personal dislike or Religious beliefs. Personal dislike can sometimes be overcome with time and education. But there are the few who are so set that they are unwilling to change. Then we have those who are using the excuse of Religious beliefs to hide their bigotry. The reason I use the word Bigotry is due to the issue that they actively push their disdain for that person. We have all seen the videos of kids being kicked out of home for being LGBT. There was one where the young man was beaten savagely.

I have been out of the US for about 16+ years. In that time I have never seen a video or read a story like that here in Australia. Not to say that it does not happen but I have not seen it (please don’t flood me with examples). While I have read and seen so many of the same things happen over and over again in the US. I really can’t see an excuse for the actions of families attacking another member for being LGBT. I am still confused about how it happened in my family. My father served so many years in the US AirForce and we were always taught to respect others. What I did not think that it was conditional to anything but those of the LGBT+ communities. It was really difficult to see that change in my family and deeply saddening. I am very thankful that my four children here in Australia are wonderful and kind people.

But I do worry about them having interactions with those other family members. I view it more to the idea of one bad apple can spoil the bunch. It is like that you would not allow your children to hang out with those who are bad influences. Just in case some of it rubbed off on your child. I really don’t want my children growing up to be like that. I would rather my children to remain kind and considerate to others feelings. None of my children identify as LGBT+ and that is beautiful because they don’t care that some of my friends are. Recently a friend of mine had a baby. Her and her partner as so happy. Niamh saw a photo of the family and made a comment that they sure looked happy and full of love. She did ask who was the wife…I had to tell her both were and she just smiled and said: “oops duh I should have that about that before I asked”.

LoL, I did have a point to this but I lost it somewhere in the writing. Hmm… Yup gone now, lol. How about we just call this thinking out loud. Because the point I was trying to make is all gone.