Today was not a good day for the sugar battle, cravings are going mad. Nor was this week a really good week as I look at it with hindsight. I consider myself to be a good parent. I am a good school Parent. I go to meetings and I help my children with homework. I am there for them 100%. Outside of school I still have bedside chats with my kids they are free to talk about anything. We go to Jui-Jitsu, we do activities, we have family dinners with no toys (TV, Radio, Phones, and Tablets). When we talk I listen and respond, I give advice based on the needs that they bring up. So when it was suggested that we have this person talk to the children about how we as parents are doing. I did it and still had this nagging voice in the back of my head “DON’T” but I did it to make the Meditation process work better. Because my Ex and I were having some problems. Trying to find solutions is the way to go.

We had a person talk to the children and let us know how we are doing. Shit, I did not think I was doing that bad until she started talking. When it was over I walked away feeling like shit, to be honest. I did not like it at all. I know it is not directly pointed at me but it sure felt like it. I was even told that I am now not allowed to see my children every day before and after school. Six years I have been doing that. That pissed me off a bit I have seen these 3 kids every day since they all started school. I saw them on buses going to school, I saw them when they got home from school. So now I am not allowed to do that on the weeks that they do not stay at my home. The kids did not like that one little bit. But my hands are tied. It just got worse from that. People ask why I don’t trust these fuckers from the court who claim they are in it for the children.

I felt like every time I said something they were using it against me. I knew the Ex would bring up the Trans issue. Something to dirty the water. Lucky for me the kids stood their ground and would not let their feelings about it be twisted. But shit, let’s bring up anything that is LGBT+ related. Then quiz the kids on it to see how they feel. In hopes, we can find a crack to exploit. I was also asked if I had a partner. But we did not hear anything about her partner in the Q & A feedback. Except one of the children said they want her to stop talking to him on the phone so much. (I felt bad for her at that point, but that is a sorry, not sorry moment.)

Then they told my Ex and me about a few things that we should mindful with the kids and then we were told not to talk to the kids about anything that was said. What fucking hell bullshit for the both of us, do, don’t do. There were a few issues that should not be danced around. But no instead of coming straight to the point we have to dance. Then this person asked Niamh, What she would like Niamh in a wish?”. My Daughter said more time with her mum. But in the person’s mind, that meant more days. Of course, the Ex leaped on that and so did everyone else but myself and my Attorney. I told them all I wanted to think about it. Even after being pressured, A LOT. Because there have been issues in the past that the other party brushed aside. But this person did not even take into consideration. I wonder what my daughter’s therapist would have said to this idea. So I danced the question around Niamh trying not to say too much. Asked her a follow-up question. Come to find out all she wants is different times than her brothers. She wants alone time with her mum, not fucking more time. She said she needs a small break from her brothers. Great the person was making me feel like Niamh wanted less time with me. There is a skill called follow up, it is used in asking questions. This person needed to learn it.

Oh, don’t even get me started on the Puberty issues that were also being used against me. The only thing that was not said was, you’re trans you don’t know how to help your daughter during this time. But it was implied a few times.

Then there was a point that was brought up about me playing a game on the computer when the kids are in bed. I am designing a damn game to be sold. As I hope this will be published in the 4 quarter this year. Stupid shit I am a writer and I write using a computer. I have to make a living to support my family. Because I can’t find a job.

In the end, I walked out of that joke of a meeting thinking to myself, shit my Ex and I paid for this? I was enlightened by a few things that I will change. But overall what a joke on the parents. Don’t get me wrong some of the information will help a little bit. But holy cow some of the questions that she asked were a joke or at least the information that was gathered was. Holding up fucking “Bear Cards” for who is what in a family. Great idea create division, hoping that it will create a stronger bond because a person feels like shit. Maybe that will change them. This shit is used in advanced Military training “Who do you see as the weakest member of your team”. News fucking flash my kids do not live in a Military Household. Those cards need to be Shredded! But then I guess they would find another way to do the same damn thing. We could not even get a copy of her notes that were made from the questions. Because those are protected. That is fucked right up the ass. Not happy about that at all.

But at least the school issue for Gabriel is solved. Only took 10 fucking months since I first asked. Yeah, I am pissed that we wasted money to solve a problem that could have been solved by being fucking parents and looking at all the schools. I hate wasting money on Attorney’s, Court, Costs and all the other Bullshit that is linked to Divorces. (Sorry G you know you have my respect). I like my attorney, he is a really good man. But if I ever get asked to do this shit again. I think I would rather roll the dice with a Judge. At least evidence matters there. Then I had to pay for parking which cost me $8. Lucky I did have a few blessings that day Hugs from my children and a wonderful friend who watched them while all this shit hit the fan.

You see now I am venting because I am not having the best of Days. I am also venting because I have had no Caffeine for 10 days as well. I knew this was coming, I am getting cranky about no sugar and caffeine. I am glad the kids are visiting their mum so that I don’t get upset over something that would normally not make me upset. I wanted to stop and get a can of coke on the way home. But I fought it off, plus it would use my last dollar. I never touch my savings account. I am going to need that soon. School fees and the like. I also ran out of Mint Tea so the cramps are back. Those are not nice at all. Well, I am going to end this before I vent much more. I hope Saturday will be better.