Now for an personal update

I wrote a few weeks ago about my battle with pain. This past week I was able to go see my doctor. It appears that my chronic pain has grown a new partner. I now have Arthritis in my knees that is also adding to my pain levels. Now I know why I am always in pain. He is sending me to Physiotherapy in hopes that we can see if it might be muscle based? But I have done Physiotherapy so many times for this issue and it never helps me. But maybe it will help my Arthritis. New pills which I am not sure I want to take as my mum poisoned herself with so many different pills. I just don’t know overall I am scared more and more I am going to end up in a wheelchair.
I even had a phone call with some damn idiot asking me “Do you have a car and can you drive?”. A car fuck no I can’t walk half the time. At what the… do you think it is wise for me to drive right now? The dream of a new motor cycle is over. I just want to walk without pain (fucking dumb ass question). That is a crushing result as well as balance is not really great right now as I fall over without warning.
Pain high enough I want to vomit, but I cannot so I breakdown and cry. I really know my body hates me and has since the day I was born. Sorry feeling a little down after walking for only a short time. I only was walking less than 1 km. My knees are retaining water, oh btw that is also something new I am learning to deal with.

What was the biggest blow was I saved money to take my kids out for a fun dinner but due to the pain making me feel ill I could not even eat my whole hamburger from BurgerJunkie (this is an amazing burger joint). I like it more than Pizza and that say a lot, lol.

Well before I sink into a dark hole of “Poor me” which I would have written myself into I am going to stop talking about it.

Categories: 2020

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