Sometimes it is nice to sit back and reflect on what has been going on in your life. Not all things in our lives can be classed as good or bad. Some just are there and we must learn from them. It might be hard to fully understand that until you are faced with it, it does happen.
If you have not known my children play sports but not just and sport but one that places them only against themselves. Jiu-Jitsu, we started on this journey a number of years ago. The reason for this was my daughter needed to regain her inner strength after being assaulted. If you don’t know or have been blind to the fact that most assaults done to women are done by MEN. Don’t get me wrong I am not here to be a man hater. But I want you to know just what this act of violence did to one young life. It changed a 6 year old child to a point she had to learn to be a child at heart even while battling demons that resided inside after the attack. That is where Jiu-Jitsu stepped in and elevated her back into an ability to be a strong young lady with a bright future.
Then my daughter had to learn about emotional intelligence during one of the hardest parts of her life Puberty. Yup you know that thing that does not care who you are it is going to be a part of your life. It does not even care if you like it. We started to use the phrase “You control the emotions and not let the emotions control you.” This was due to the fact that during puberty we can sometimes allow our emotions to be that Train at the end of the tunnel of puberty and not the end of the tunnel. But shit happens…
We have also watched my young daughter have a sport she loved placed on hold or forever to be changed in the way it impacts her life. You see this year 2020 has been one of the biggest roller coaster rides for so many in the world. This also is the year that my daughter had an injury that is going to take her on a journey that will change all sports in her life. Her ACL detached from one side of its connections with a break. If you did not know that the issue of a broken bones comes with the reality that we are MORTAL. That we cannot leap over tall buildings, but add that in with the issue of youth and puberty it can be one hell of a roller coaster ride. Then we add on top of that a problem with the coaster itself in the issue of a poor relationship with her other parent to the point that instead of supporting her in Jiu-Jitsu they celebrated the loss of the ability of being able to participate in it just before the surgery to repair the physical damage. That shit is fucked and I saw what an emotional blow it did.
Now let us take a look at emotional intelligence with the above. For many of us we would see that as an overwhelming set of events for a 12 year old child. Some of those events in a person’s life can result in a damage that never goes away unless we unpack that shit and learn from it in a way we can grow. So, how does one grow from so many events at one time? It is a bit like looking at eating an Elephant. Which means we can only do it one bite at a time. In sports injuries happen and what most of them will change our love for that sport or it proves to us what that sport meant to us. Then we can either walk away from it or change in how we interact with it. It is a part of a process that will take us to understand that it is both Physical as well as a Mental game that we must overcome to grow. This process can be done in many different ways all of them require a person to face the reality of loss, then what do I do now. It will take time could even be years. But a warrior never gives up when they are knocked down. Change, adapt, and then overcome we will have a journey.
How does one combat that other issue of the mental side of the loss. We, I have watched my daughter overcome so many things after that assault. What needs to be done is to find a pillar of strength. Then grab ahold of it and allow that pillar to just be as we grow. This will mean talking out the disappointment of the complex emotions. Because bottling up the emotions will cause them to boil over and then blow up. To the side is some contacts if you are in Australia to start the first step in mental recovery process. One of the things we need to understand is that some people can be assholes when we are faced with a loss no matter what that loss is. But how we react to that proves our metal as a warrior uses armor.
WHERE will this journey take us? Well that is something that the use of emotional intelligence will provide for us bite by bite. We stand, we take an account of what is important to us and go after it. We rely on those who are there for us and are our pillars of strength. For in the darkest of times those are the best people to know as they will reach out the hand to help us up while not standing for us. We all need to grow and the hardest part of any journey is the first step. So wipe away the tears dust ourselves off and walk. I saw this today as my daughter took her first steps after her surgery. She did not worry about it what she did was to swing the legs over the side of the bed learn to use crutches and place one foot in front of the other and walk. Because we all need to use the bathroom what a great point of freedom is the toilet.
As a pillar that my child can rely on in any form of weather I am always amazed at the growth of my little warrior. Bruised and with a few scars she stands. Stronger, determined, and charged with renewed energy to do it again. This is the reward of emotional intelligence. The fact that you can do it because you have done it before.
I really do wish each and every person who reads this the blessing of the warrior who stands back up and can say “FUCK YOU I AM STRONGER THAN YOU GIVE ME CREDIT FOR!”