Coming out?

If you have been around me you would know how much I hate the term “Coming out”. A number of years ago I dealt with some very dark times in my life. I had to not only face the loss of what was a already broken and destroyed marriage. I also had to make a choice to leave that destructive home in the middle of the night with our children for the safety of all of us. I also was coming to terms with the issues of being Transgender and all those feelings that were hidden in my shadow for so many years. The moment of so many choices some so very heartbreaking and difficult was also filled with so much loss and grief.

I start to use the phrase “Stepping out of the shadows” as it was just that for me. While also being an amazing point in time where those shadows once filled with light were far more lovely than what I had accepted all my life. I have also spent many years now out of a horrific relationship focusing on my hopes and dreams without someone telling I was nothing. I fell in love with the term and it just stuck with me.

Over the last few years I have seen some amazing stories of others stepping out of the shadows. I could not be more proud of Nikkie of Nikkie Tutorials when this powerful young lady took back her rights to survive and exist when she stepped out of the shadows. I watched her continue to grow from that choice.

Here recently I was able to see another person also walk out of the shadows Abigal Thorn of Philosophy Tube [LINK]. Who once again took a very high and respectable approach to stepping out of the shadows.

Please take the time and give both videos a watch. I think the more we step out of the darkness we grow much like a plant the sun helps it grow and survive. As you might know I am consumed with trying to find the answer of A+B and why it does not equal C for those who are Transgender. I do a LARGE amount of reading/listening on scholarly articles and following a larger amount of organizations Psychology Today has an wonderful article on the subject of self-love and the shadow [LINK]. Please take the time and have a small read and maybe you too can find some plant food in it as well.

Some Advice

Please always remember if you know someone that is in the shadows it is not your right to drag a light into their darkness. Forcing someone to step out of those shadows can be very harmful and painful. Nor is it your right to tell anyone about those shadows. In LGBT+ communities we call this “Outing” which is the act of telling the above to someone without permission. Sometimes the pain of outing a person will be felt for a lifetime.

BUT, let me say this much, holding on to the pain of someone outing you can be as harmful to your “Self” as the act of being outed. I have felt this and I have seen what holding onto the poison chalice to long can be in someone.

“Holding Hatred In The Heart Is Like Drinking Poison And Hoping Others Will Die.”


Offering the forgiveness does not mean you must forget. Only fools forget when wronged and by forgetting allows a person to do it again. Sometimes family members make poor choices. In the end it is your choice on what that forgiveness means and what interaction you will allow. But know this, that you should not bury the hatchet and leave the handle sticking out for them to trip over again. If you make room for forgiveness give them the kindness of that choice and move forward. Yeah, things between you and them will have changed and you might never regain what once was before their actions. But what think what will be lost in not forgiving…

Categories: Uncategorized

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