At some point I think I should just give up on the idea of changing peoples minds about the term “Coming Out”. Yeah, I know there are more important things to review. I wanted to make a follow up on the subject because we needed to talk about something that was said and it caused some concern.
When we last talked both on the podcast as well as the post about coming out. We forgot to talk about diminishing someone’s story. I have had number of people to have reached out to me about a comment that was made by someone and I chose to keep that comment as I felt my reply dealt with the answer to the comment. But at the same time I feel we should openly discuss the issue that is at the core of the comment. Everyone is entitled to their opinion even when that opinion is wrong.
We need to look at Diminishing someone’s story. One of the ways is to use Age as a way to tell a person that their attraction is incorrect. Such phrasing is “You are too young to know who you are attracted to.”. This is a form of ageism in a weird but very common way. Parents use this form of communication to deny something that is out of age for a child. Though it can also be used in issues of attraction such as same gender attraction, age gaps in attractions, race based issues, Gender based issues, or even toys. For the most part this type of excuse is used for protection of the child. Though in the case of Attraction, Gender, or Race it is nothing more than a form of bigotry.
One of the other ways we see a discounting of a persons feelings is to label it as “Hero Worship”. The hard part of this type is not common Bigotry. What Hero Worship is according to Merriam Webster says [Link]…
Definition of hero-worship
(Entry 1 of 2)
transitive verb : to feel or express hero worship for
Definition of hero worship (Entry 2 of 2) 1 : veneration of a hero 2 : foolish or excessive adulation for an individual
Though while at it’s core is not a form of Bigotry unless it is used in such a way as to remove rights from another person. It is everyone’s right to love whomever they desire as long as it is consensual. But let us get back to the idea of Hero Worship and same gender attraction. IF we look at the idea that a person who is attracted to another person of the same gender as Hero Worship then we must also consider the same for those of Hetrosexual attraction. Because at the core of attraction we must find something to be attracted to. What makes our heart go beep beep beep our pulse rise and we start down the path of attraction and not Hero Worship. As not all attractions start with knowing a person to view them in the Hero role or look at them with adulation.
Believe me I was attracted to someone who has more qualities of an Antihero. I even stayed with that person for OVER 14 years. There was NOTHING redeeming in their actions. Never did I see that person as a hero. Nor did I even prostrate myself to them.
We cannot even look at same gender attraction as infatuation as many people who are attracted to another person never even reach the level of talking to that person.
The use of such scape goats of the English language for unconscious bias by using terms like Age or Hero Worship is really nothing more than a means to try to force a Hetrosexual relationship on another person. In doing so we then cross the lines in to Bigotry by the very action. Due to the fact that we not only diminish the story that someone is creating of their life. We are also removing the rights of that person to feel that way. This does not only have to be associated with same gender attraction it can also be directed towards those who come out of the closet. Trying to reduce that part of that person story as well. By replacing it with a requirement to be Cis-gendered. Which also crosses the line and enters the area of Bigotry.
Definition of bigotry
1: obstinate or intolerant devotion to one’s own opinions and prejudices : the state of mind of a bigot overcoming his own bigotry
I know telling a number of people that their actions are very questionable might result in some hurt feelings. But stop and think for a minute and look at all the damage that is done by the usage of those terms towards someone else. There is also a sense of betrayal that is felt as most of the time people who talk like that are close to someone who has come out.
One of the biggest reasons for this site is to save lives. The LGBT+ community overall has a VERY high rate of suicide rate. A lot of that is caused by society and loved ones who use language to harm others. My community has a staggering…42%. WTF how could anyone who claims to care about a person do harm to them. I understand that there are those out there who are just cruel, but really… I am personally left with one very serious question for them.
How’s that blood going to wash off of your hands?