This week I was lucky enough to have been a part of the community that joined together when a younger transperson was kicked out of their childhood home. Upset this child reached out for help in finding emergency accommodation. That resulted in over 20 different people jumping to action to find assistance for this young person. I am glad to say that we were able to find them the correct help that they needed.
I have spent two days now trying to explain the stages of grief and loss to a group of people who appear to be missing the point. That when a person Transitions those around them will go through these stages. There is no exception to this. Some of those people will do it so fast that heads will turn and all will be okay. For a great example I know when I told my Nephew his mind flashed back to a take when we were younger. When I goofed at boy scout camp. But he did not get stuck at a stage and was able to move to Acceptance (the last stage). I am very blessed to be included in his life where as many in my family are stuck at various stages. It is okay for them to be stuck as long as they are not acting out with anger or even depression (which are also stages). But I do have those who are stuck in those stages. So I don’t allow them to be a part of my life. Nor do I justify my reasons for my transition to them. We come back to Buddha and the angry man story. I don’t want their anger, they made it they own it, and they can live with it.
My transition is about me. Which some who do not understand personal growth will say it is selfish to make this choice. My response is YES it is, to thine own self be true. I also learned to see what others are going through to help me understand their responses. This helped me navigate their actions. I was outed by two people in my family (anger and denial stages). I can see and understand why they did it but at the same time I cannot walk in their shoes to see the reason for those actions. I also still hold them accountable for those actions. I demand an apology before I will allow them back to my life and inner circle. I am also not stupid enough to think I will ever get it. But I am also protecting myself from their actions.
You see I even am worried that if there was an apology it would be only to placate my desire for one. That they may continue with a stage called Bargaining. Saying such things as to recall the past in conversations (i.e. so you remember when…) in an attempt to stop my choices to be true to myself. In a way it is for them better to continue with Standard Operating Procedure (sop) than to accept someone’s personal growth. Which is flawed reasoning.
So how does this over shadow the beauty of what took place above? You would not believe how many people in my community on Twitter are narrow minded to a point that they refuse read and learn about the above and how it relates to Transition and the way others view it. I have met people who even deny simple psychology and the human condition. Even to the point that grieving stages are made up. That it can never apply to coming out. I spent hours trying to explain that even stages can be skipped.
Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed trying to explain this. I love a good debate or even a good conversation. But there is always a time when you need to walk away when someone refuses to accept that the world is not flat (DUH!). But it overshadowed such a wonderful actions of my community when someone was in need. But we let it go and move on. After all you can lead the horse (person) to water (education) but you cannot make it drink (learn).
Something to read
From our scholarly articles page here is an excerpt of a good read from 2010 about Quality of life of individuals with and without facial feminization surgery or gender reassignment surgery. [Link]
To determine the self-reported quality of life of male-to-female (MTF) transgendered individuals and how this quality of life is influenced by facial feminization and gender reassignment surgery.
The rest of this article is behind a paywall which is out of my control. But it is worth the read even if you only continue to read to the rest of the excerpt. Which is a very broad overview of the subject.
Our community lost another lovely person
Rayanna Pardo [Link]
Look I just am so shocked at how many people are fine with blood on their hands. It is so sad that we are losing so many lives. It really breaks my heart.