The fear

Yesterday was a horrible day until I got my prescriptions. There is a fear that only so many people will ever understand and that is not being able to take your meds because you cannot get to the pharmacy or you cannot afford your prescriptions.

I have had people feel so free to ask me “How did you know this was the right path for you?” The only answer I can give is “Do you know what harmony is? Have you ever felt that point in your life where everything is in sync? Until I was on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) I never knew that feeling. I spent years hiding and in tears when no one was looking. I could never let them find out that I was different. I could never let them know that inside of me I was screaming help me.” No one would have listened. Until I met Vik my close friend/colleague/cohort/family she listened without judging. It took years for me to accept that I needed to face my fears of dying without being heard.

I am six years into my medical transition. I lost so much to be honest with myself. As I walked away from the hate, the liars, the abusers, and from the one person who kept me safe (my former self). Tears still fall for all he went through. #endconversiontherapy I have talked about de-transitioning in the last few weeks. This is my fear that I live with now. I respect my former self with all my heart. But in saying that he is still tired. Now I provide him shelter, love, and compassion. So I stand in front of him to live, love, and survive.

I am I

Categories: 2021

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