Oh wow is this a minefield to be wearing snowshoes in? I am sorry to say I think this is one of the hardest things to write about. But since I am a bit self deprecating in this area I am going to try to point out things by looking at the three fingers pointing back at me. Why not use an example that I have an understanding of.
First things first, Since I was looking at this topic about six years ago for my own research. The numbers are roughly the same as well as the issues that are tied in with the subject. At no time is this subject meant to seem like an attack on anyone (period). But being Transgender, sexual attraction are very difficult to deal with in regards to those feelings.
Let’s look at the common points between the issues. Cis hetro man is attracted to Cis hetro woman (vice-versa), Gay man to Gay man, Gay woman to Gay woman, Bisexual, and Pansexual. As you can see at the basic core of it is this is what we have become to accustomed in the basics of sexual attraction. ***Trigger Warning*** if you are offended by deep thinking don’t read the rest of this paragraph. The above is not saying that a Cis hetro person cannot have some attraction to the same sex. But they never act on it. So we can look at it as a closeted item. It can also happen with the Gay communities as well. It does not invalidate there attractions. The one thing I have learned about sexual attraction is that calling it a fixed point in our lives might be a deep fake even to ourselves. Though I would say that cis women are better at handling these types of feelings. As they don’t feel like this is a threat to their masculinity as cis men generally do. P.S. it is not…
Now you might have noticed that the above did not mention the Transgender community. There is a reason for this and that being it can be hard to pin it down and even the responses from others can make it confusing. Now using the three fingers pointed at me line. When I was hiding the truth about being Transgender I acted/lived a life of a cis hetro male person attracted to Cis women. It was easy to do without sending up warning flares.
Then we add in Transition. The one thing my dad started to have problem with was summed up in one simple question from him “Are you still attracted to women?” Knowing that I needed to mitigate damage with my family I just simply said “Yes”. Was it a lie? No, it was never going to be that simple. You see “if you act to long in a role, you lose who you are” quoting myself. You learn to lie to keep the role going in a act of self preservation. Even though I live a half of a world away.
Now in my research about my own Transgender journey of life. I had to know everything about being me. I still have to know more. One of the things I found in researching was that when a person starts medical transition sexual attraction can change without warning. This is normally at the early stages of adult medical transition (0 to 2 years). But it is not common for Transgender youth because most of the youth have only had one sense of attraction once puberty blockers are stopped and HRT begins. They end up sorting out those feelings all at an important time. Think about the differences of the age groups if you are getting lost. At one point this was about 30% chance of happening. This change can be in many different forms. For example I was attracted to Cis women if you are in the 70% this remains, where if you were of the 30% it meant a change to something else. For myself I ended up understanding the new me came with a 30% I became pansexual. meaning…
“Pansexuality is the attraction to people regardless of their gender. Pansexual people are sexually attracted to people of every gender identity. People of any gender identity can and do identify as pansexual.” – WebMD
It started so simple for me one day I just started being attracted to a number of different types of people. Sorry, Dad not sorry. *Warning* Hey dad, you stopped talking to me and there was no one to talk with about my feelings. So you have no right to comment on my posts or this site.
The above is something everyone needs to learn to do. Making a stand about who you are it is good mental health.
In the end it is your life, not theirs.
Don’t get me wrong I still love my dad. Now back to the subject. We also need to look at social based issues as well. So let’s look at me again. I am a Transgender Woman (Transwomen are Women) so if we go back to the above there are a few issues. **Time to follow the logic and not get hung up on other terms.** Since I am a woman I should follow the rule woman to man, woman to woman, Bi or pansexual. By socially the whole thing gets pretty messy. I have heard that if I am attracted to women then I am supposed to be Gay. But some people like my dad was of a mindset that I was still hetro. But if I would have said I am attracted to men then he would have said I was gay (that would not have gone down well with him). But then in the hetro world if you are a woman then being attracted to a man is called strait. Do you see the chaos in all the above. But being Pansexual I am even attracted to some in the Transgender community and Non-binary people as well.
It is not so easy, is it? Hormones, I have learned play a large part in our sexual attraction to others. We might even be as bold as to say close to 30%. Now an even more chaotic question is if a person stops medical Transition will the sexual attraction if changed revert back to it once was? I am really not game for giving it a guinea pig experiment. I really like who I am these days (good mental health).
I am going to leave you with that to ponder as there is no one size fits all in the sexual attraction area. Have the day you deserve!