***Warning***

This post might cause high emotions, stress, fear, or even suicidal thoughts. Please if you are subject to those types of responses I kindly ask that you first practice self care. If that means not reading the follow post then please do so. I say this because I care about all of my readers. You life matters! After all this is just a post.

Now my dear readers we are going to go for a swim in dark waters. But please do not think that this is an attack on any person or group. This post is about abuse and my community. It is also to bring into the light the truth of abuse. There is NEVER an excuse for any type of abuse. If you do not know the results of any type of abuse last a lifetime.

Let us start off this conversation with a little story about my VERY close friend who then became an adopted father figure. With much sadness my friend has passed away years ago. With saying that he was not a perfect man, just a good man who was willing to learn. He even knew that he could disagree with others without getting upset to the point that he could not accept them for who they were.

My friend once said “They only reason women become Lesbians is due to they were abused by men.” So let’s look at that statement with a VERY big block of salt. At first sight and even at first hearing this you might think what a horrible person. But he was not he was making an observation on what he had been exposed to in his life. My partner at the time took it the WRONG way big time and it started her dislike for him and his wife. But we need to pull it apart to talk about today’s subject. His comment was not meant as an attack, I know him too well. But even he knew that not everyone can be lumped into such generalities. But it was also a VERY sad look at MEN. He knew this as well. SO, let’s say some of this is true to a point that I agree with. The truth about abuse is it touches everyone in one way or another. But if a woman (XX) “choses” (used very loosely) not to be attracted to a gender that they perceive to a threat. There is nothing wrong with self preservation.

Who we are attracted to and the building blocks of those attractions are as different as people are. So thinking that the only reason is because of abuse is absurd. I personally know some amazing women who are attracted to women. That were never abused. In fact one of them her best friend is her dad. He is an amazing person! She was never abuse and was raised in a loving & caring family. Now let us let my friend rest in peace once again. Because this is just the start of our swim in dark waters.

In case you have been living under a rock let’s talk a bit about the different types of abuse. You also do not need to be part of the Alphabet Mafia to have recieved.

Physical abuse

These are but not limited to:

• Physical assault
• Hitting
• Slapping
• Pushing
• Restraint
• Kicking
• Denial of food or water
• Misuse of medication
• Sexual (this is also a Major heading as well)

Emotional abuse

These are but not limited to:

• Threats to physically harm or abandon the person
• Preventing someone from seeing other people
• Humiliation
• Blaming
• Controlling and coercion
• Intimidation
• Harassment
• Verbal abuse
• Isolation
• Unreasonable and unjustifiable withdrawal of support
• Sexual (this is also a Major heading as well)

Sexual abuse

These are but not limited to:

• Rape and unwanted sexual assault and sex acts which the person has not consented to.
• Indecent exposure.
• Sexual harassment.
• Unwanted looking or touching.
• Sexual teasing, innuendo and inappropriate jokes.
• Being shown pornography when unwanted.
• Witnessing sexual acts between others.
• Sharing sexual or intimate photographs of someone online they did not agree to sharing.

Financial abuse

These are but not limited to:

• Stealing.
• Fraud.
• Spending another person’s money inappropriately when asked to look after it on their behalf.
• Forcing a person to spend their money on things they don’t want.
• Internet, email, phone, postal and doorstep scams.
• Coercion and control over a person’s financial affairs and arrangements, including exploitation, pressure, and the misuse or misappropriation of a person’s property, possessions or benefits.

Domestic abuse

This is usually abuse by someone in the home, such as a family member, partner, house mate or carer.  Domestic abuse can be physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse and includes:

• Controlling.
• Coercing.
• Threatening physical violence.
• Humiliation.
• Manipulation.

Neglect

This includes:

• Withholding access to food or the right food for a person.
• Not supporting a person to wash and maintain appropriate personal hygiene and comfort.
• Not supporting a person to change soiled or wet clothing.
• Not seeking medical assistance when a person needs it.
• Withholding access to appropriate medication or treatment for a person.

Additional types of abuse

This includes:

• Cyber-bullying.
• Hate crime.
• Forced marriage.
• Female genital mutilation.
• Modern slavery.

Discriminatory abuse

This includes harassment, name calling and unfair treatment because of a person’s disability, race, gender and gender identity, age, sexual orientation or religion.

Religious Abuse

I cannot say it better than what I found at domesticshelters.org Please pay them some love by visiting their site. For a deeper explanation on this points that I have listed from their site. But remember this points are not everything.

• Your partner is preventing you from practicing your religion. 
• Your partner is ridiculing your beliefs. 
• Your partner is using religion to berate you. 
• Your partner is using religion to manipulate you. 
• Your partner is forcing your children to be raised in a faith you don’t agree to. 

HOLY FUCKING SHIT RAY! (Not my friends name)

Now I am going to point something out that you need to learn. Do you know that in the list of who receives the most abuse it goes as follows.

• Women
• Alphabet Mafia (LGBTQIA+)
• Children
• Men (yeah even husbands can be abused)

Now pointing out something that should be fucking obvious but is not to many. You can be in two or more of the above groups at the same time. Sadly, I can spend days and days writing explanations on all of the above topics. But I need to take care of my emotional health as well so I am not going to do that.

Now it goes without saying the LGBT+ communities receive a lot of abuse. But I bet you never thought about where that abuse comes from and who creates it the most. (Hint this is going to piss off people).

• Religious Groups
• Men (cis)
• Politicians (what the fuck you work for us)
• Families
• Women (cis)
• People in the LGBT+ communities (WTF!)
• Children (Because they are taught to)

Now I know that there are going to be people who are going to say “You cannot say that because it is not everyone of them, those, or they.” Which you are 100% correct until you are in the abused persons shoes. Children show why this is true. If you have ever met a hoffically abused child you will see how they will never trust someone that looks, acts, or even the same gender of their abuser. Once that trust is obliterated (meaning more than Destroyed) there it is almost an impossible feat to return it. I dare say you will never regain that trust. Even if you were not the cause of that abuse. For example a young girl is sexually assaulted by the following:

• Male
• Blonde
• Blue eyes
• Slender
• Certain type of voice
• Lives in a yellow house

Let’s say this young girl becomes a woman and she starts dating and everytime she sees a man fitting the above. She may not date them because they fill in the blanks of the above role and trigger memories. So she avoids those types in all areas because of a lack of trust. Later she goes looking for a home to buy. But all Yellow houses are not acceptable due to a subconscious thought pattern that was created in the abuse stage. She gets an offer for a job she has always wanted and has trained for years to have. But the manager has blonde hair so the job becomes too stressful to continue in even though the workload is fine.

Let’s now break it down. The impacts of abuse are not always seen even by the person who experienced it. The yellow house could have been repainted but the memory of the house being yellow will always be there and might cause problems. But there was never anything wrong with the house. A person that could have been perfect for her isn’t because of whatever. It does not mean that the person was bad or anything. It is just the result of the abuse. The job is her dream job but because of the abuse it may ruin that role for her. Do you see how this abuse ends up shaping this person in ways no one could ever see.

**Personal side**

I know abuse and how it shaped my life ever to a point that I have to challenge its results. I grew up with a person who abused and then rewarded as to say “I’m sorry”. None of my sisters experienced this, only me. Why because I am Transgender. But if a partner abuses my trust or starts a fight then tries to say sorry with a gift red flags go up EVERYWHERE. I know that sometimes we want to say sorry by doing something nice. But for someone like me I end up trusting that person less and less if they keep using it. If the trust is destroyed you will never get it back (period). I do that as a form of self preservation. You may never do what you did again. But the results of your actions remain. I cannot change that because of the memories. The pain that comes with all of those memories from everyone. My ex-partner did something that I will never forgive or forget it is burned into my memories. It was very abusive. Then my latest partner did the same thing. The result of it is the same. That person is gone I have nothing but contempt for them. But not hate, I do not waste my time with that.

But I do challenge myself and my scars and PTSD. I don’t just accept my feelings are and need to always be there. But I know they are and will always be because of the abusers actions. I see the results, I know them all very well. I will never trust those people ever again. Even if they become good people to others. Even if a person is very similar to the looks of my ex’s I can’t be with that person. Even friendship is difficult. Almost every night I wake up about 3am. I know why it is because I wake up expecting to be attacked. I have children with one of them. Sometimes I have to see and talk to that person. But those conversations are only based in need to know information. Nothing more. I am not going to tell you what they did because I give them the right to grow and change. But for me they will never do enough to repair what they did.

I used to be a member of a church. Who I thought had good people in it. I thought it was the right church to be in. But the abuse of others was then turned towards myself. It completely ruined that church for me. I also saw people in that Church act out toward myself and others in a way that was abusive. I could not make excuses so I left and never returned. But then I saw so many other churches doing the same thing. Abuse comes in so many different forms. Some we see some we don’t. Some can hurt very deeply while other break trust and hope. Some leave lasting memories.

What can be done?

Well knowing what is abuse is the first step to ending it. Supporting those that have been abused is another. Lastly calling out abuse and standing up to it no matter who does it. This is what has to be done. But it is not enough to say we don’t accept it we must be actively trying to stop it. Now I am sure you might ask how? I am going to help you…

Let’s start here..

I once heard that the above group was part of the trans-agenda. Forcing people to accept the Transgender community. Surprisingly enough it is working on the side of the whole LGBT+ communities to bring to light what so many want to keep hidden. That includes but not limited to Transgender rights. They are also the group that Transgender Murders all over the world.

Next have a look at our Dangerous Groups page and start making a stand against all that they stand for. Some of these groups and people may have done some good in the past. But one cannot overlook the atrocities that they commit and demand. Then there are their those that follow them. Which have been emboldened with misinformation and outright lies.

Support Free Mom Hugs they is nothing like not having a hug from someone who cares. Free Mom Hugs does a huge amount of good. They try to heal wounds that are created by hateful parents. I cannot say enough about the good these wonderful women and men (free dad hugs) are doing. Join them or start a chapter in your local area.

I would never tell you to spend money. But let me say this, there are those who use governmental funds and donations to attack and abuse not only the Transgender community but also the rest of the LGBT+ community. I even receive hate mail from this site on a daily basis. My personal phone number has also been leaked at some point. Forcing me to screen my calls. I have run this site in its many different forms for 6 years. I could also use some support for this site via my patreon site.