Even my kids know that I could and do avoid the idea of people giving me gifts or throwing parties for me. It is not because I do not love those who put thoughts and effort into finding the time to do so.

Birthday always mean something to people in the western world. But sadly that meaning can be negative. Such is the case of mine. When I was 14 I wanted it all to end that birthday was the worst I have ever experienced in my life. I made my second attempt at ending my life because of what took place that time. My issues with my mother were not getting any better. School was not getting any better. I had never felt so alone and tired of all the shit in my life.

Later in life one of my former partners also helped make birthdays an event I would rather not take part in. While I was returning home early from work I found someone else in my bedroom. We don’t need to explain much more than that.

Later another partner was causing issues…

Even though there are a lot of fucked up memories on my birthdays. One of my good friends did not listen to my “I don’t do birthdays” and stopped by with a huge cake and spent hours just talking. I am glad she did…

Thank you, you fucking Bitch. I love you so much for caring at a difficult time. Once again another reason I am glad to not have succeeded in ending my life. So many good friends who all reached out yesterday, I love all of you. Thank you….