Residual Emotion Pain


Let’s talk a bit about mental health. BTW talking about mental health does not mean a person has something wrong with them. Nor does it mean that a person has a mental health disorder. We as a society need to make talking about mental health as common as going to the restroom. Right now there is a toxic movement of men and women who are denying the facts of the above. At some point every person will have a reckoning with their own mental health. Talking about it is the only way to keep it healthy.

Earlier this week, I had the pleasure of meeting some amazing women. I started talking about my experience with Conversion Torture. This practice is NOT therapy, nor is this up for discussion. What many in my family who have closed the door and do not want to face the truth of what I went through. I have spent a lot of time talking about my experiences with these monsters. I even feel that I have it worked out and I know what was done was wrong and a form of child abuse. Let me make this clear there is NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE IN ANY FORM.

Even though we might talk out issues we face in life there might be a hint of pain that resides deep down inside. This pain does not mean we have not been successful in working through the issues. What it means is just like everyone else we have hopes & dreams those are part of the human experience. For example I can not stop the fact that the pain of what I went through still impacts me. Which is okay as long as I understand what is going on. To not let those feelings to over run my life. Yes, I can say the violence I experienced in my last relationship is also still fresh. The pain of such betrayal sometimes can combine with other experiences in life. Bringing new life to experiences we may have already worked through.

But it is at that point where we need to learn how to take care of ourselves to avoid allowing the toxicity of the abuse to build within us. One of my greatest tools is to enjoy music as I listen and participate (yes I sing in the shower and around the house). As I do this I choose music that allows the pain to leave or to be worked through. In the end if I am not able to bring myself to a level of calm. I make a call to someone that can help. If need be that person might be a mental health worker.

More and more I understand the need to keep that part of me healthy. Life becomes enjoyable and I can see the beauty in things. I am able to avoid seeing faults in others. It does not mean that I ignore them it means I do not hold those faults over their heads. I am also able to come to terms with the pain that may reside deep down. I still don’t know why someone I trusted chose to allow their child to be Tortured and even participate. But that answer may never come. I must be willing to accept that fact. Find peace in the pain that we have experienced is a journey. The destination is up to you and you alone.

Categories: 2021Tags: , ,

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