Gee what a week/month this has been. At every turn, I have been busy beyond my wildest dreams. I have been giving speeches left, right, and center. I have worked with some amazing people and organizations as well. Ones that have shaped Australian LGBT+ culture as well as Australia as a whole. Rodney Croome, it was a huge pleasure to speak in front of him. I opened it with a Joke “Hi my name is… Welcome to my Ted talk”. When I sat down he turned and said “You know you should give a Ted talk you are very good at what you do.” I was in 7th heaven. I have only watched his efforts over the years from a distance. Getting the chance to work with him was very enlightening. To any youth who might be thinking that nothing changes, it does sometimes it just takes more time than you might be hoping for.
About a week or so ago my Ex decided to serve me with divorce papers. I spent a couple of weeks reflecting on all the amazing things that have happened since the kids and I left her. I never thought in my life I would be talking with others about family violence. I grew up with it on so many levels. I never thought I would be married to one. I don’t know why it took us so long to get on with living. I think at first I had a false hope that she would get help with her problems and we might return to being a family. Though as the years rolled on I saw more and more problems that could not be fixed. Problems that I was not willing to overlook. I even came to terms with the fact that we were not compatible at any level except with the children. Staying in a relationship because of the children just leads to the children being unhappy as well. So many lies that supported the framework of our marriage that like a house of cards it was doomed to happen. It was only a matter of time. We both lied to create an illusion of who we were not. I have always been Transgender and hid it from so many. Her lies are for her to face in the darkness if she ever does. I remind myself over and over “Remember that it is the Journey that teaches the person to grow not the destination.”
I talked about the journey of grieving in past and how we all need to understand that it is a natural process of the human condition. That most of us respond the same way to a loss. Though I need to remind you that there are those who have a mental health condition that will not respond the way we expect. You will never be able to force that type of person to feel sorry for their actions. All we can do is just understand how the grieving process plays in our lives. I feel a sad loss that my relationship has ended. Though without saying anything more than necessary any relationship with violence should end. This is not exclusive to romantic relationships. We could end up in a car accident and lose our transportation. We could have a health-related issue. Any number of problems that involve loss you will grieve. There is no timeline for that grieving process it can be short or for a lifetime.
Think about this when you are having issues with others who once knew you as (blah) and are having a hard time with the truth of who you have always been. I know we might see it is none of their business. But the truth is it is part of their journey. This is also why I remind people to put away the photos of the past image of you [Link]. You need to have people see you clearly as who you have always been not the actor that you were forced to play.