Sometimes the biggest thing we can do for ourselves is to just let go of the anchors in our lives. Finding the strength to let go is a very hard thing to do. But it is like ripping off the bandaid. Do it slow and it hurts more than if you were just to rip it off. Though we may experience a large amount of pain at first in time we move past that pain.
The same is when we have to let go of someone in our life that is not the best for us. They may have been at one time but now things have changed and we need to move onward. I have heard it said that we do not truly get over the pain of loss we just learn to live with it. For some things, I would agree with that. For example, the loss of my Grandfather was so impactful in my family that the pain rippled for many years. Some of us grew and learned to live with that pain while others could not. But in saying that I once was married to a person a long time ago that we were not meant to be together. Looking back now I see that person in memories and there is no pain in that loss. I hope that the person has a good life and is doing well.
I also understand the profound sense of loss that can impact one’s mental health. At one time in the past, I was married to another person and the breakup of that relationship sent me into a deep depression. Which led me of making a long list of mistakes. One of those mistakes was into the arms of an abuser that lasted for over a decade. So I learned about “Why don’t women just leave” first hand. Sadly, I can fully understand the reasons why women don’t leave. It is a complete loss of rational thinking and our hearts talking louder than common sense. Abuse Sucks!
I have talked about the grieving process in the past. How we as the Transgender community need to allow others the right to grieve. But we also need to know when to say when. When other grief becomes toxic and we need to back away from that person. We have a right to find peace within ourselves and our world. So just like ripping off the bandaid the sharp pain that we alone might only feel when we let go of the toxic people in our lives. But in time they might grow to a point where we can welcome them back into our lives. It is not a promise but only a possibility. This is also not something we should rely upon as they may never grow. What they might not fully understand is that we are not defined by them being in our lives. Good people in our lives will over time enrich our experience. If some of the Toxic people are our family the same rule applies we can make a family of our own. I guess that is why so many in the LGBT+ communities are viewed as family members. I will do what I can to help others in the LGBT+ communities simply because they might not have someone who will.
I even have an open door rule in our home that if there is an LGBT+ youth in need of a safe space our home is just that (((Safe))). I will also make sure that youth knows that there is hope and I will help them where I can. Sometimes loss can be a monster and having someone who gives a damn in your corner makes all the difference. I am a HUGE advocate for proper mental health care. Like I said my dive into depression lasted years until I met someone who later became one of my most trust allies/friends. How we got to that point is very special to the two of us so I am not going to write about that at this time. But I can say they know my family and if I could I would lay rose petals at my door for their family. You see that type of love and compassion is out there for everyone. You may not have met them yet. Though loss is hard and understanding the pathways of the grieving process you will be able to notice them when they are impacting your life. You might have to make adjustments for your comfort in dealing with others in those steps. But remain calm and hope that someday things will return to a more calm state of living.
I cannot possibly list every single mental health service in the world. But if you are in Australia please if you need to take the time and make a call, do it!
I think this is a national line in the US.
If you know of others where you live take the time and put them in the comments below. No better way to build a family than to help others.