Deep Thinking and being misgendered

I think by now if you haven’t caught on to what goes on in my life. That you might be a little shocked to find out that I’m a motorcycle rider. I frequently ask myself a question, a question that I absolutely hate “Am I trans enough”. It sits in the back of my mind. If being a rider over the years has taught me anything is that you have a lot of time To ponder life and sort things out while on a ride. I get lost in the ability to reflect on the choices that I make or have made. I have also had time to come to terms with the wrong choices I have made. I think if you don’t judge yourself you’re not being true to who you are. In many ways, motorcycle riding is a time to find Zen. Now if you’re not sure what Zen is I would suggest having a look into it. But I still end up with the same question that I already have an answer to “am I enough”.

When in fact no one really does need to present in anything to be valid about who they are. Meaning that you don’t have to dress a certain way or act a certain way to be valid. But it doesn’t mean, that it does not enter my mind. As a person who is transgender and rides motorcycles, my gender gets overlooked all the time. When I buy petrol, when I when go to places to eat, or when I meet other riders. I don’t claim it to be their fault not one single person’s. The culture that exists around motorcycles is generally a more masculine culture. Women while out there riding and maybe only make up a small percentage of the community. Then think about the percentages of riders that are transgender. So that means once again a binary is the easiest way to look at it.

I’m in a number of Non-Affiliated Clubs or groups and I don’t hide that I’m transgender. I try to be a good person all the time. But many people who meet me for the 1st time and don’t know make the same mistake. Though I am not going to thrust it down their throat in a foolish way to correct them. When it’s easier sometimes and I know this sounds so wrong. Almost like of is not being true to myself. Also when I buy petrol and I walk inside to pay for it I always just roll with a misgender. After the purchase, I say thank you have a nice day but it always comes out in a more masculine tone than what I really use. But also I find that this is somewhat telling of how people view women riders as almost they don’t exist.

In the terms of equality speaking It almost feels lopsided towards more masculine riders. I do know that there are groups such as dykes on bikes dykes on bikes and the Lolitas that are Positive and women-only Riding groups. I do however wonder about the negativity that might be pushed if say right-wing organizations knew that trans people can be in those groups. For instance, both Dykes on Bikes and the Lolitas accept transwomen in their organizations as long as they identify as women.

Then there’s an unwritten code in motorcycle riding then if you see another rider that if you see another rider on the side of the road you should pull over and offer assistance. Regardless of whether that person is a member of a club or not. I wonder does it come to their mind when I’ve helped out people is a transwoman helping me or are they just grateful. I might be overthinking that maybe just the help is kind enough. That I don’t have to wear anything it says “I am trans deal with it”. As many of my local community know I don’t look like the Ultra Feminine woman it’s not something that I associate with. Don’t get me wrong I like dresses and skirts it has it has nothing to do with that type of clothing. But I am more of a masculine type transwoman. I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty and I’m not afraid to stand up for others in my community. I’m not afraid to be misgendered and it doesn’t piss me off. I’m not afraid to be To stand up for the truth behind being transgender. You will never see me shrinking into a ball feeling less than who I am. But as I said at the start of this I have asked myself the question time and time again “am I Enough”. I have sat there and debated within myself. Each time coming to a realization that I can say I don’t care If I’m enough or not. “Am I content” with who I am should be the correct answer to be giving myself.

But looking at that 2nd question am “I content with myself”. I feel it is something that everyone in the transgender community needs to be able to come to terms with. For me, the heavy approach of screaming I am trans hear me roar is not something I can do. I do find a more gentle approach to being transgender works better in business and professional circles. I also find It allows people to feel relaxed around me. That if they screw up with my gender or say something that might be incorrect that I’m not going to eat them alive. Though I do maintain a sense of I’m I know what I’m talking about and if you say something incorrectly I will explain the correct information in a way of teaching to lift the other person. Where they feel informed not preached to.

After all my favorite personal quote is

“Only through education can we lift ourselves out of ignorance.”

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