FAQ Trans-male


All good conversations begin with a common ground of a desire to learn with respect. Before you proceed in this subject. My approach to these questions come from a stand point of my lived experiences and my current education. My point of view is NOT an agenda nor does it follow trends.

Q: What does the hormones feel like?
A: When the HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) is right on track it is easiest to say it like this. My body was like a poorly tuned guitar. You can play a song but it never sounded correct. Once the HRT for me was in full swing it was like the perfectly tuned guitar the music was sweet and divine. I felt whole…..

Q: Why are those who are Transgender doing this?
A: While I cannot answer for everyone I can only answer this through my own life experience. I have lived over 50 years, 35 of them hating who I was in the mirror. When I looked down well that just not something I can say in a “G” rated blog post. I grew up praying that I would wake up and not be me. It has almost killed me a few times as well. I also didn’t want to live the rest of my life that way.

Q: How hard was it to start your Transition?
A: Transition can start at anytime for anyone. Some parts of Transition are personal and do not require a doctor’s help or guidance. Though if you are thinking about HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) you are going to need to seek professional assistance. I do not condone using the self medicated ideas. The HRT program is modeled using a gatekeeper style and is logical and safe. It will take about two years before you might be allowed HRT. You will be seeing two different Psychologists and an Endocrinologist who will tell you all about how hormones work. If you are like me you should take the time and do the research as the Doctors do not tell you everything as a lot of them have never done it.
Make sure when talking to the doctors that you 100% honest and forthcoming. After all this is your body and your mind we are talking about. Messing around with them can be dangerous and the results can vary depending on genetics and age.

Q: Which bathroom do Transmen use?
A: I live in Australia where the people do not worry about those types of issues or if they do they are not going to say anything. The laws protect people’s rights are strong and fair. Though just like in the US there are voices coming from misguided yet strong willed parts of our society who say “we are protecting our wives and children”. But these people are cattle following American issues without really thinking through the issue in the first place. So in answering this, I use the women’s restroom. The US could learn a lot from Australia we are not perfect we have a long ways to go in some areas. But for the Transgender community it is pretty good.
For your information here are some links that might be a wonderful read if you are thinking that it is about women and children’s safety. [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9][10][11][12] Then ask yourself why are they pushing an agenda to harm others in our communities when the evidence is not supporting what they are trying to do. [13]

Q: Do you have a mental illness?
A: The current practice is that being Transgender is NOT a mental illness (see the DSM 5). There are two types of issues that reside in being Transgender, Gender Incongruity and Gender Dysphoria. Gender Incongruity is like have on the wrong size size shoe it’s tight or to loose and never really fits at all. But you wear it because it works. But not having secondary based issues. Where as Gender Dysphoria is a combination of several different mental health issues that are linked with Gender Incongruity, but not a part of Gender Incongruity. These mental health issues are but not limited to Depression, Anxiety, and Suicidal Tendencies. Gender Dysphoria is a severe mental health condition and requires professional assistance. Whereas Gender Incongruity is NOT a mental health condition and is found in all of the Transgender community.

I am a lucky one my life is stable now and I am safe. My depression was not only linked to my Gender Dysphoria but was also result of Domestic Abuse. It took me years working with professionals to understand my PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Also HRT assisted in helping my Dysphoric issues which were a chemical imbalance (Incorrect Hormones). Environmental issues play a huge part in a person’s Gender Dysphoria. Social acceptance helps, though sadly many of the Trans-community are not that lucky or live in places. Where it is not safe to tell anyone.

Q: What is De-transitioning?
A: Sometimes being Transgender is a huge struggle. Hormones, loss of family, loss of friends, social acceptance, employment are just a few of the daily struggles. Sometimes HRT is not right for the person. Gender Dysphoria could be something else that was in a person’s mental state. So what happens is a Trans-person goes back to who they were before Transitioning and the problems that are a part of that as well. But this does not end the issues that might have caused the de-transition in the first place. Family others might use new insults “see I told you it was a choice” or “see you do have a mental illness” these are just a couple of examples. There is also the issue of being used as a poster child to say that being Transgender is “wrong”. This creates more stress for the person who is going through a difficult point in their life in the first place. The Gatekeeper model the medical community use try to prevent this type of uncertainty.

Q: What does Cis mean?
A: Well the term Cis is a double edged sword rife with confusion and self hate. What I mean is that when the Trans-community uses the term Cis we are drawing a line in the sand saying there is a difference between you and me. Cis is a person who was born in the correct body and that their mental view matches. We scream for acceptance but we accept the Cis term to be used. But at the same time the without the Cis term being used we were faced with an even more horrific term being used Genetic Male or Female. Which does not really make sense as the spectrum of XX and XY are only part of nature to propagate the continuation of the species. No one can avoid the fact that XX and XY and the others that reside in between. In the end when bones are dug up these markers remain. But they tell you nothing about who that person was.

Q: What about Body hair?

Q: What about facial hair?

Q: What pronouns do you use?
A: If you are ever unsure of a persons pronouns just use their name or title. You can even be brave and ask with respect. After all pronouns are a part of respecting a person.

Q: Do you regret the starting your Transition?
A: Transition is a double edged sword. What I mean by that is not everyone you care about will be there once you go into transition. Some people will show their true colours and you will learn who is and who is not going to be by your side throughout it all. This was a very hard lesson to learn, I lost a number of people (95%) who I thought would always be by my side in life. I have even had people lie straight to my face tell me one thing then when I was not looking start talking behind my back.
Saying all of the above still does not outweigh the facts that I now live a life with people around my inner circle I trust with everything. I know who they are and they know me. These wonderful people have learned so much about the true me and have accepted it without a second thought. I have also met new friends who I hope will be in my life for a long time to come.

Q: Are you worried about the surgery?
A: Well to be honest, yes. I think you would be a fool if something like a major change in your life that could possibly kill and you did not have some concerns. But at the same time with great risk comes great rewards.

Q: Are you ready to face life alone due to your choice?
A: Okay let’s clear this up. Being any part of the LGBT+ spectrum is not a fucking choice. I did not wake up one day when I was 6 years and say to myself “Hey, I know what I need for my future. That is to be marginalized, abused, lose rights, and all round treated like a second class human by family, friends and people I don’t even know. Let’s do it”
Now for the second part of your question “Alone” hmm in so many ways I don’t want to be. It comes down to a matter of numbers and I will try to explain. Let say that in a row of 1000 people, 800 of them are Hetrosexual (M attracted to F) leaving you with 200 who are not. To make this easy let reduce the pool of people once more 99 are Gay men (I am not a gay man). 99 are Gay women ( I am part of this group) 2 are asexual (does not care for sex or is not working in that issue).

So back to my 99 of those women it can be safe to say that about 25 of them are in some sort of a relationship. Another 25 are simple not attracted to you leaving you with 49 people in a town of roughly 100,000 people. Good luck!

So being “alone” is a possibility do I want it this way no, do I have a choice? No. I make the best of my situation, I focus on my children and my goals that I have set for myself. I don’t have the time or energy to suffer fools. If a person want to be with me that will be in that 49 or even less due to laws of attraction. If I die “alone” then that is that and I have made peace with it. I hope I have answered your questions even though my numbers might be a little screwy but I am sure you get the point.

Q: I have heard that there are studies of Transgender brain differences where can I find those?
A: There are a number of studies that have shown a difference in those who are Transgender and who they can be linked to the Genetic versions of those that the Transgender person identifies as.

Q: After the surgery can you get pregnant?
A: It is possible

Q: I have noticed that you are from the US and now live in Australia. I have read you never plan on going back, why.
Well there are a number of reasons why. I’m a parent of three young children to whom I take a great pride in being there for them. Next is did you know in 2016 one Trans person is killed every 10 days (as of last figures I saw)? Those killings not in just one place they are happening all over the US. I love my children and to place them at risk is not acceptable. Australia has been very wonderful to me and to leave a place that is home and safe makes no sense.

Q: Do you ever think this is all too much.
 No, I will admit at times it is hard. There have been many lessons that I have had to learn. But I’m not really known for quitting. Plus I feel better now than I have ever had.

Q: Why do something at all??
A: Why not? If something is broken why not fix it? Everyone deserves the right to live a good life. Another way to look at it is if you lived all your life with color blindness and someone gave you a set of glasses that allowed you to see colors for the first time. Would you ever take them off or would you enjoy life the way it was meant to be? If you had cancer and someone offered you a cure would you take it? For many in the Transgender community this is a life or death issue. The Transition is an amazing event in a persons life. Sharing that event brings us closer as humanity, you never know what kind of friend you may create.

Q: How do your children feel about it all?
A: That is a very good question. Some of them have not taken it well cause they are a bit more zealous in their religious choices. I feel until more time passes and they can see I am still the same goofy person I have always been….. If they do not then I am not going to spend my time worrying about what they think of me. I have some at home that need me to continue to be a great parent. Though the rest have taken it okay there have been a few struggles. But all things aside we are a family, good families stick together.

Q: Why did you expose your “issues” to your children.
A: I have amazing children. I have taught them that being honest is one of the most important things a person can do. So hiding who I am is being dishonest with them. What good I have done teaching them that would be wasted. Plus every time I tried to teach them another moral I would be wasting my time (hypocritical).

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